Practice Self-Compassion for Your Anxious Mind
Our brains are wired for a negativity bias. This means that we have a tendency to register negative events or perceptions more readily, as well as dwelling on these events. Negativity bias explains why we can recall one bad argument with a partner more easily than the handful of positive affirmations from them.
When our anxious brains worry about the worst-case scenarios or all the bad things that could go wrong, it’s putting in a lot of energy that supports self-defeating thoughts. These patterns can keep us stuck in that cycle of questioning our worth and lead us to feeling that we are undeserving of self-love.
Negative self-talk can fuel anxiety by eroding our self-esteem with constant self-criticism, distorting our perception of ourselves and the world around us by reinforcing negative thought patterns, and creating a negative belief system that traps us in perfectionism, catastrophizing, or overgeneralization of life situations we face.
With our brains being so conditioned to think negatively about ourselves or the world around us, we often struggle with showing ourselves genuine compassion. Self-compassion is something that typically doesn’t come naturally to us, and is something we have to actively practice on a regular basis.
Kristin Neff, the world’s leading expert on self-compassion, breaks down three elements of self-compassion. She has dedicated her professional career to connecting the link between self-compassion and overall well-being; providing us with more awareness and understanding of the harm we may cause internally when we are neglecting ourselves emotionally.
3 Elements of Self-Compassion
Self-kindness. When we are overly critical or judgmental of ourselves, we suffer with persistent feelings of inadequacy. However, shifting towards showing ourselves kindness and understanding we create a supportive space of accepting our imperfections.
Common humanity. When we make mistakes in life, there is typically an irrational sense of isolation that follows. We may become consumed by shame and feel as if nobody would understand our flaws. But when we are vulnerable with ourselves and others, we notice how our suffering connects us rather than separates us from others.
Mindfulness. The practice of being mindful allows us another perspective to view ourselves; opening us up to a sense of balance. Mindfulness can help separate us from feeling fused with our difficult thoughts or feelings, so that we can turn towards our pain with acceptance of reality as it is in the present moment.
When we tie all of these components together, we are establishing a strong foundation of self-compassion and even self-acceptance within our daily lives. Our anxious thoughts and feelings can become all-consuming and the idea of “being kind to yourself” feels too abnormal to comprehend. But that doesn’t mean we are undeserving of change to happen in our lives.
It takes time and effort to implement a positive shift within our internal dialogue. When we’ve spent years ruminating about our worst fears, isolating ourselves due to low self-esteem, and struggling to accept reality as it is, of course we are going to have some setbacks along the way. Don’t allow those obstacles to hold you back from establishing your own foundation for compassion.
Putting it into Practice
There are a handful of ways to practice self-compassion, that’s the beauty of it. There isn’t just “one” way or a “right” way to do it. The biggest hurdle is just to start putting in the effort.
Here are 3 easy ways to get started:
Journaling. This is an effective way to begin your exploration journey and identify ways your feelings may be negatively impacting your life. Try keeping a self-compassion journal for a week, dedicating about 10-15 minutes each day to connect with yourself emotionally. Below are some prompts to help you get started:
1. What is a new habit you can adopt in helping you feel more joy or calm in your life?
2. Think about a time you experienced painful emotions recently. Write about how you felt ashamed, anxious, sad, etc. and the judgmental thoughts that surfaced too.
3. How would you support a friend who was struggling with what you are going through right now?
4. Write about a time you failed at something. What lesson did you learn from that experience?
5. Write about the areas in life where you’d like to grow and evolve. Write about the areas where you’re succeeding.
Loving Kindness Meditation. This type of meditation, also known as “metta” meditation, is a lovely practice that cultivates good intentions and universal kindness toward oneself and others. Usually the phrase, “May I be safe, happy, healthy, and at peace” is said during this meditation. Notice how you feel before and after a metta meditation, and sit with those feelings.
Try out this 5 minute Loving Kindness Meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f6OQPQSxek
Boundaries. When exploring boundaries, it’s important to note that boundaries are created to honor your sense of self. It’s the highest form of self-compassion to hold yourself accountable and protect your inner peace. Setting boundaries for self-compassion can include:
Saying positive affirmations when your inner critic is being too judgmental
Learning to let go of guilt when being assertive with someone who repeatedly causes you harm
Dedicating several minutes each day to slow down and take care of yourself.
Practicing self-compassion should be a regular requirement in our daily lives, not just something we save for the challenging situations we face. Self-compassion does not mean that we are self-excusing our behaviors or avoiding difficult emotions that may surface. Genuine compassion for ourselves should be about discovering the ways we feel inadequate and opening ourselves up to a softness that allows us to protect our healing self.
I believe that everyone is capable of being compassionate towards themselves, it just feels overwhelming to know where to start. Schedule a consultation with me today if interested in learning more about self-compassion and releasing the weight of anxiety in your daily life.
Resources:
5 Minute Loving Kindness Meditation. Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f6OQPQSxek . Provided by Unearth Compassion.
“What is Self-Compassion?” Dr. Kristin Neff. 2024. Self-Compassion, LLC. https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/#the-elements-of-self-compassion
